"I don't hang with celebrities no more.Mekhi (Phifer) calls me and says, 'Yo, Kev, my son's birthday party is Saturday, your daughter's the same age, I want you to come to the party.' I said, 'Where's the party at?' He said, 'Disneyland.' I get to Disneyland, him and his son are out front, I don't see nobody else out at the park.He said, 'I bought the park out for like, eight hours. "The scariest (expletive) in the world to me are bum hands.I'm willing to bet you all any amount of money right now, if you all walk out after this show, and a bum come up to you, and flick your lip, that you kill yourself tonight." From 'Laugh at My Pain'ĩ. I just want the disrespect to stop.' 'Let me tell you something, you're worried about disrespect? What you need to worry about is how I'm going to deliver this kilo of cocaine to (expletive) Pablo.Where do you think I get all this money from? Jokes?.You think I'm out here making funny money? (Expletive), I'm in the game, I'm out here in the (expletive) streets.'"Ĩ. My pill made me believe that I was a drug dealer.We were talking, she was like, 'Babe, I just want to be happy. Her pill gives her all the right reactions. We should both take ecstasy one time.It's going to make us talk, we're going to have sex, it's going to be the best.' She said fine. 'Babe, I got an idea to get the spark back in our relationship. "You know what, I need to get my lady back. I get to lick the bowl and everything.' 'Lick the bowl? Man, get the (expletive) off my phone.' 'Hey, don't be mad at me 'cause you ain't got no bowl to lick.'"ħ. 'Yo, what up boy? Whatcha trying to do tonight?' 'Oh, man, I ain't doing nothing. "Reality doesn't hit you about how bad the single life is until you call your friends to go out, and on that night, none of your friends are available, because they're out with their women. So I got out of the car and started chasing the baby.'"ĥ. I was on the highway, and this (expletive) baby started running on the highway. (Expletive), I'm not waiting here for some 30 minutes, waiting for your (expletive) mom."Ĥ. Go get her' As soon as she left, I took off. She'd love to get a picture with you.' I'm like, '(Expletive) yeah, I'll wait. This girl sees me, she goes off.'Can you do me a favor? Can you wait here for like, 30 minutes? My mom is about to land. I'm trying not to have a high-ass phone bill.' He said, '(Expletive), ain't that you at the stop light right there in front of me?' I'm so oblivious in lying I waved. 'Dude, I can't be on the phone like that. "There's nothing worse than telling a dumb-ass lie and getting caught telling a dumb-ass lie.I'm in my car, I'm driving.
"Everybody assumes because you went through a divorce you went through a (expletive) up period of life, you're enemies, you hate each other.
Originally priced at $50, tickets are being resold through StubHub, priced from $120 all the way up to $500 for a single ticket.īefore Hart kicks off his special Milwaukee residency Thursday, we look back at the 13 funniest jokes - jokes that are OK to print - from his hit stand-up films "Laugh at My Pain" (2011) and "Let Me Explain" (2013).
Not surprisingly, the six shows, amounting to 15,000 tickets, were sold out an hour after going on sale. With 600,000 tickets already sold and more than $35 million in revenue to date, it's projected to be the highest-grossing comedy tour of all time, according to Billboard.īut before the tour officially begins, Hart will warm up in Milwaukee, with six shows at the 2,500-seat Riverside Theater. 30 at Lincoln Financial Field in his native Philadelphia. On April 9, the 35-year-old Hart will head out on a nearly 70-date arena tour, including a stadium show Aug.
The fast-talking 5-foot-4 comedy star of such hits as "Ride Along" and "Think Like a Man" has arguably his highest-profile movie role to date in "Get Hard" (in theaters Friday), as a suspected ex-convict who prepares a businessman, played by Will Ferrell, for a 10-year prison sentence for tax evasion. Kevin Hart is about to have a really, really good year.